The Cheating Line

What is cheating?  Is there even a concrete definition?

Apparently, 85% of women and 74% of men consider sexting to be cheating, according to this study.

Is cheating just about a physical act, though?  I've known people who think checking someone out or flirting crosses that line.

It seems like where we place the cheating line says a lot about our relationships.

I consider myself to have cheated in my first marriage.  But, I don't berate myself or label myself a "cheater" for it, given the circumstances of that relationship.  I needed an out and got caught up in sexting and online sex.

That's still an act, though it mainly involves the imagination and masturbating...  And, in some ways, I believe that cheating starts with the head or heart and not the groin.  If we're acting outside the set boundaries of the relationship or its rules, that's obviously cheating.

Where are the rules?  Are they accepted as a given or negotiated?  Ideally, there'd be a conversation and clear understanding of them in all relationships.  But, we humans aren't the best at that.

Monoamory has to include a negotiation of what fidelity is and isn't.

Brave/stupid?

Just got home from a discussion group where I was leading an intense conversation on monoamory and what it is.  And its larger meaning in the universe of sex positivity.  I actually discussed masturbation in public.  I am amazed at myself.  Of course, this is why I'm a writer.  I get to be faceless and just throw thoughts out there for people and then scurry off to my bedroom unnoticed by whoever is reading it.

The discussion was all good.  A lot of people contributed and had interesting thoughts to share.  I'm still toying with the idea of what the tools necessary for successful and ethical monoamory are.

Obviously openness and communication.  We covered that today.  Also, independence balanced with togetherness.  Tricky business, that balance thing.

Wowzer bravely attended the discussion, too, making me admire him all the more.  Given his aversion to being outed, I think he gets extra points tonight.

One thing that surprised me was the reaction I got from some people there.  It seemed like they didn't like the idea that monogamy carries negative cultural weight.