The hard stuff

Have you ever thought about something until you are just sick of the topic?  And then, you suddenly see why the topic was sticking around and pissing you off?

Yeah.  That's me.

There is no "easy" relationship.  Being monoamorous isn't easier, even if it is akin to a relationship model that gets widespread approval.  There's a lot of talk about the difficulty of poly relationships.  I get that--you're juggling multiple romantic attachments in a world where you may not even be able to talk openly about what you're going through or face persecution for it.

It's not fair.

But, if you don't have any good models for a mono relationship that works, either, you're screwed, too.  Just differently.

What's normal?  Is it okay to do marriage like this?  What happens to people in healthy relationships when the honeymoon period ends?

I watched my parents throw things, hide money, cheat on each other, make threats, have screaming fights nearly daily...  Is the absence of that health?  Does every relationship that makes it beyond the rose garden doomed to that kind of hell?

Violence in relationships (emotional or physical) has a tendency to make me physically ill.  Wowzer and I just finished watching the third installation of a series of indie films that feature a couple that, in the previous two movies, seemed very happy.  (Yes, I know it's not real.)  But, what if it's indicative of the trajectory of relationships?

I believe that mono couples can work.  I think it's one model among many that has the potential for health and longevity.  But, the question remains:  what does it look like when it does?

Liking

On a day like today, after we just spent the past 24 with a young member of my biofamily (who'll be known as M from now on), I really needed to read this:

I think you should read it, too.  Then, come back and read the next paragraph.

Being monoamorous, for me, is filled with moments of liking.  I can turn to Wowzer and KNOW he'll always be there.  It's a bone-deep truth.  I can look over at him as he's playing a video game with M and feel:  A) totally at home in the most profound sense of the concept and B) my heart thumps away with oodles of love. Wowzer is it.

Ranting

Sometimes, you just have to rant. Yesterday was a rant day. Things just build up, especially when you have questions that seem unanswerable.  Carving out my own space in the world, being monoamorous, is an intense journey.  Surely there are others making their own thing in terms of relationship models, right?

This morning, I'd love to hear from some who are.